Despite what we believe, we do NOT completely and absolutely KNOW what we would do when faced with a specific adversity or experience UNTIL we ACTUALLY live it. Seems easy to stand in judgement of another’s behaviors/beliefs/choices by what you ASSUME your own would be, IF you were in their shoes. But if we aren’t in those shoes and NEVER have been, we only know what we THINK we would do, not what we WOULD do.

And ouch! That judgement HURTS and is so isolating and relationship-busting.

Consider this: IF something big and challenging is happening (like your kid is completely and utterly on the wrong path, your spouse is cheating on you, you are figuring out anxiety and/or depression is setting in…you name it…HARD stuff), isn’t it SO much more helpful to be ENCOURAGED and SUPPORTED and LOVED… and NOT judged? Humiliated? Shamed?

We have choices. All day. Every day.

We have the CHOICE to accomplish a non-judgmental stance by training our brains to sit back and wait. EVERY thought we have is not an accurate or right thought…we don’t HAVE to follow a negative or wrong thought. We can CHOOSE to talk back to our thoughts and challenge them: “Maybe I don’t know everything about this situation”, “My friend might just need a warm hug and a place to cry for a bit”, “I’m not sure WHAT I would do if faced with this”.

You know. Consider what YOU would want if you faced an adversity that took you to YOUR knees. And then consider the many messages of judgment: You are less than. You aren’t smart. You aren’t doing _____ right or this wouldn’t have happened. I ask you: How helpful is that?

PRESENCE is the goal. Judgement is the opposite of presence. It robs presence and in it’s place substitutes guilt, shame, negativity, resentment.

So. Open your heart AND your mind when you hear something difficult. Recognize the ULTIMATE good in taking a breath, stepping back, checking your thoughts and…then step forward with your PRESENCE and offer SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, LOVE. THAT is helpful.