Here’s what I KNOW about grief that I didn’t know a year ago OR from years of education and experience as a therapist:

1. Grief comes in waves…tidal waves and baby waves and everything in between. I had to go back to Target 3 times this year to buy my son and my husband Father’s Day cards. Who knew THIS part would be so challenging?

2. There are a certain number of tears that are gonna be TEARS OF HONOR for my dad and my grief in losing him. Just gonna be… That’s okay by me. Usually happens when I’m running because I think and pray (and occasionally trip & fall, thereby giving myself the “opportunity” to SIT and think!). I reserve this time to just let the thoughts flow and, if there are tears, they get to flow freely, too. Have to stop running sometimes but that’s happening less and less as time helps me heal.

3. EVERYone grieves in their own way. The five people in my family have grieved my dad SO differently…of course! We had five UNIQUE relationships to grieve! There is NO right way. In fact the only un-helpful way to grieve is to push the feelings to your toes ALL the time (we have to do it SOMEtimes) and never, ever FEEL the feelings in the moment. That’s not good for you…don’t do it. Instead, embrace the moment and slog through it. It gets better if you go with it.

4. LOVING someone a lot means GRIEVING his/her passing a lot. Wish I could give you better news here but this has been my experience. I have managed to re-frame this to see the ultimate good of having had this tremendously rewarding and meaningful relationship…but for awhile, I was just in angst over the pure, gut-wrenching pain of the loss.

5. There are no “re-do’s” on death AND grace is a good thing. For me, that means forgiving myself for things I “shoulda, coulda, woulda” done. If you read this blog often, you know I believe that type of thinking is a waste of your spectacular brain activity. So, I had to eat my own advice and that’s kinda good and humbling. ALSO, I will never regret travelling to be with my dad the last week of his life. I didn’t know that was going to be the case when I went but it certainly afforded me some quantity and quality time to say EVERYthing I wanted to say. Forever grateful for that.

6. This grieving thing is going to continue. Not at the same intensity (thankfully) but I’ll never STOP wishing I had my dad with me still. Never. To me, that’s not discouraging, it simply honors the Perfect-For-Me dad that my dad was.

Honest moment: cried a bit while writing this. So…if you feel the tears spring forward, that’s okay. We just cried SOME of our tears of honor together!